intellectually emancipated

Let's try this again...

2009-08-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite lines from Harry Potter, “Another year has come and gone…” It’s like a visual representation of the thrill everyone feels rounding that final turn on the way to see grandmother. The anticipation overwhelms and comes pouring out in various ways.

Well, for me another year has come and gone and in between blog posts nearly yet another year has come and gone. So much has happened that it doesn’t bear repeating as I just don’t have the strength to write it all down. However, since I am no longer gainfully employed what better way to while away the hours (or minutes as it were) than updating this blog.

I’m ruefully addicted to Facebook and Twitter, however those tiny little boxes just aren’t big enough to restrain the afore mentioned anticipation. I believe Twitter to be a micro-poetry site instead of micro-blogging. Finding the correct phrase and using just the right English [billiards] to turn a phrase in less than 140 characters is no mean feat; and apparently beyond me as my meager following will tell.

These social devises have long been a curse in blessings clothing. I see them mainly as a way to keep in touch with friends or pass along/collect information. Rarely is there anything of deep Societal import found on these social websites. So, in an attempt to obey my own fear and loathing of making Facebook the place to go for political commentary and after already explaining my ineptitude at Twittering I turn again to you dear old lost friend the Blog to pour out my meandering thoughts.

I imagine I will still fall into bad ‘ol habits of posting something to Facebook or Twitter that should be posted here and I ask you to keep me honest.

Rude Awakening

2007-11-13T05:00:00.001-08:00

Gross out warning:

So this morning I get up to relieve my sinuses of some pressure and I go into the bathroom. at first I didn't bother to turn on a light but when I spit in the sink it just seemed like it was a little darker than usual. After being sick for so long I have become aware (overly so) of changes in things like this. So I turned on the light and spit again. This time I noticed it was dark and brown colored. So I opened my mouth...

My blood pressure must have skyrocketed because my entire tongue was BLACK! It had a black coat on it. My mind was racing what in the world could it be? Was it something I ate? I didn't eat before bed, plus I was so freaked out that I couldn't remember what I ate last night. Did a bug jump in my mouth? Is it some sort of warning sign, symptom, side effect I hadn't read about?

Up till then, other than the stuffy sinuses, I felt fine. I was having a bit of nausea from the sinuses but nothing way out of the ordinary. So I go into panic mode and think about what I need to do...call poison control or BPO or should I just wait for a minute and see if it goes away? Should I brush my tongue to get rid of it or wait and leave it for the doctor to see?

So I decided to brush my tongue and Google it, maybe that would give me a better understanding. I found these two articles: Black Tongue 1 Black Tongue 2

That kind of stuff should be all over the place as warning signs. IMHO there should be warnings on commercials and people should talk about it and you'd think I would have heard about it or someone would have said something about it.

So, I'm not sure if it from the antibiotics but since I took my last dose yesterday I'm thinking maybe it was the pepto I took for nausea yesterday. I sure hope that's it. I just can't take much more of this.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little story. More than anything I hope it informs you in case it happens to you.

Still sick, will I ever get better?

2007-11-12T14:42:00.001-08:00

So as we know from my post 12 days ago I have been sick. I went to my primary care physicician last week to get a second opinion. Before i saw my PCP I was given a TB test just to be sure and it came back negative for TB.

My PCP wasn't sure what was going on either however she ordered an Asthma test another x-ray and a CT scan. She left my medication alone and gave me some other medication to help calm me down.

She looked at the X-ray and decided that the "schmutz" was still there (that was her word). I asked her if she knew what I had and she said it was walking pneumonia. She told me to finish my course of antibiotics (which for the record have made me light headed and nasusious) and ruined a very fine weekend with my g/f. I'm not mad at the antibiotics as long as it works.

Today I went for my CT scan and was told that my sinuses looked pretty bad from the allergies and that she was prescribing me yet ANOTHER medication for that along with the flonase I am already taking, plus the antibiotic, plus...well you see where this is going.

At any rate I feel like crap with no end in sight. The doctor did tell me that if I started seeing escalated symptoms to come back to her OR if I wasn't better in a couple weeks it might warrant a hospital stay.

At any rate I'm still sick and really just want to feel better more than anything else right now. The best thing about all this is that if you go through a real bad sick period your fingernails stop growing (this happened when I had my back surgery, look it up, it's true!) and I just had to clip mine today so I'm holding that out as hope!

One Sick boy...

2007-11-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

I am sick.

Been sick for a month.

Trip 1 to the doc.

Decongestant no worky.

Trip 2 to the doc.

250mg z-pack...no worky

Trip 3 to the doc.

Chest X-ray clear.

Starting 500mg Levaquin tomorrow.

Tired of being sick.

Not a Haiku.

St. Patrick's Breastplate

2007-10-28T15:18:00.001-07:00

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.

day thirty

2007-10-24T09:03:00.001-07:00

It's baffling to me that I've hung on to the idea that I'm writing for 30 days when 12 weeks later I finally hit "day thirty."

I haven't went back over my posts mainly because i don't want to see all the spelling and grammar mistakes and I don't want to re-live the frustration and aggravation of not really meeting a goal. So I'm going to pretend like it didn't happen or did happen, or...whatever. Therefore w00t, to me I'm finally dinged 30 and hallelujah!

Writing is something I despise nearly as much as professional basketball, annoying conversations, crowded shopping centers and Illinois Nazis. I guess I'd be more apt to write if I knew people were depending on it (not hat I don't appreciate the 3 folks that do read this and your encouraging comments) or if I ever did anything that was worth writing about.

I know, I know probably some of the stuff I do, does count but I just hate writing that much. I try to make it story worthy but I'd just as soon TELL someone about it as sit down and type it all out. Plus it was a lot easier to write when my lap top was able to connect to the internetS via wireless which has since went the way of the DoDo and I have no idea why. To sum up: Blogging kind of stinks for me because it's a media that I don't enjoy. I wonder if it would be better to Podcast! HA! That would be great, something that is even more time consuming, to not keep up with.

Reagan asked me several weeks ago if I would keep this up after the 30 days was up and I told her that I wasn't sure and I'd have to wait and see. Well the time is here and I'm still not sure. It doesn't seem like something I have much reason to keep up. I dunno, maybe I'll have a reason to keep up with this but as for now I'm just happy to have finally finished my personal commitment to it and we'll see what tomorrow holds. Maybe I just need a better topic than "me "to write about, hehe.

day twenty-nine

2007-10-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

Today I had a judicial with a student who knew me two years ago when I first came to Belmont. It was interesting reminiscing with him about the good 'ol days and then...I sanctioned him.

Here's how it went down. This guy comes into my office. He and I start chatting about his judicial a little. In the middle of it he says "Do you remember me from Maddox?" Maddox Hall was the first hall I worked at when I came to Belmont. I didn't mind it so much being all freshmen men. It helped me get acclamated and I loved the experience. It was like I was a freshman all over again and those guys I met that year have kept in touch and vice versa. Now many of them are juniors much like I am in my junior year at Belmont. All that to say I had someone to grow up with at BU.

We've all done a lot of growing up but he reminded me of something that I had completely forgot about. I'm kind of big on respect. To me disrespect is the highest slap in the face there is. while walking the halls of Maddox one day I found some graffiti that was highly inappropriate. Not only was it disrespectful to the resident living in the room but it was disrespectful of the young ladies visiting and the mothers that might come up and my supervisor at the time.

I called a floor meeting. Many of these things I let the RAs handle as I like to support their authority but it really ended up being something I handled myself. I was that hacked off about it.

While I was giving them the 5th degree about all the aforementioned problems with writing that kind of filth, I became so fed up with holding those fliers with the graffiti on it I tossed the wadded up papers into a trash can about 30 feet away...without looking.

No big deal, right? Lucky shot, right? Sure, but what did this kid take from that. He said "Heh, that was pretty bad ass, huh?" Sigh... Yeh, bad ass, but that wasn't the point. I wanted them to learn about morality, respect, being a gentleman, etc. while still keeping some freedom to express themselves. Instead apparently at least one kid took from it that I did something "cool."

My challenge is this: that if the thought of doing something "cool" reminds you to be respectful then, great, go for it. I just wonder how many times I've had an amazing thought, been speaking about it and done something that was little, insignificant or distracting but effected the other person/people so much they'll remember it 3 years later and totally miss the point.

I can only hope that when I do stuff like that it isn't distracting from the ultimate purpose. For all I know 50 men from that freshman hall took out of that meeting...don't piss Nate off, he'll no-look your head into a trash can.

day twenty-eight

2007-10-15T11:34:00.001-07:00

So, I've been sick-ish for like two weeks now. I think it's my allergies but they've just really started to bug out on me the last couple of days. This afternoon for lunch I cleaned my bathroom real good thinking that it might get rid of any mold or other living creatures in there that might make me sicker. This is the time I love having maintenance because I just called them to re-caulk my tub and hopefully kill anything x2!

I've been working on this diet thing for a couple weeks as well. Reagan says she can see a difference but i really haven't noticed a huge difference yet. The best thing about it though is that I don't feel hungry anymore so if I'm doing it right I guess weight should start coming off. The first couple of days were murder though. I'm used to being on a 50,000 calories a day diet (figures may be inflated for effect) and I reduced that to somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000 calories.

The most frustrating thing in my mind is this: It took me several years to get in this shape and then I decide to get a little healthier and I expect everything to happen over night. I disregard that the law of averages says that it should take about the same amount of time to get back down in weight AND if it happens in less time then great for you but expect slow progress just like it was slow progress creeping up the scale.

It's still frustrating though. On the other hand with all the walking I've been doing and the new diet I went into the clinic the other day to find out what the crud was in my chest and the nurse said my blood pressure was 112/68. Pretty happy about that one.

Finally, I did get a new truck. It's a white Toyota Tundra and I'm happy with it. I just love the experience of negotiating with the dealership and trying to get them before they get me. However I've said before and i should do it next time I'm taking a lunch with me. These 6 hour negotiations on a car/truck just don't do it for me. I get hungry and rush the deal at the end.

day twenty-seven...tagged?

2007-10-08T17:25:00.001-07:00

I really have no idea what that means but here goes...

1. I like green onions but hate the white and red ones. My pawpaw and I used to go out in the yard and just pull some up before lunch, wash them and eat them. I think that's why. White onions make me gag, so do tomatoes.

2. I like spelling words like "grey" and "armour" the English way just to piss off the spell checker on MS Word.

3. I'm only doing this for Reagan. I'm still not sure if this is right or not and I'll probably never do it again.

4. I enjoy playing World of Warcraft but not nearly as much as my friends. I enjoy the game. They live in it. I worry about them a great deal and they wish I'd play more.

5. Some see the glass as half full. These are called optimists. Some see the glass as half empty. These are called pessimists. I see a bathroom break in the future. I'm a realist.

6. I think I'm going to buy a truck sometime soon. I like trucks. I like my car. It's just much easier to get into a truck with my stupid bad back.

7. I blame Al Gore.

Ok, well I know no one who blogs except the folks Reagan has already tagged so the line ends here for me.

day twenty-six

2007-10-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this hasn't turned out to be 30 days straight of writing but I'm doing my best.

I've recently started my research for this fall. This research will directly effect my spring class and my thesis. I am looking at first-generation college students and their trials in college. I was inspired by a book called Blue Collar Roots, White Collar Dreams. If you get a chance pick it up, it was very well written.

Also, I am a first-generation college student (FGCS) and not only did the book appeal to me but the idea of helping folks like me regardless of race struck something inside me. I'm fairly opposed to affirmative action. It may have been needed 40 years ago but today merit goes (or should go) much further.

I'm not the best or the brightest but I had enough merit, discipline, stubbornness and tenacity to hack my way through undergrad, and grad school. I've went from Proctorville to Nashville via Parkersburg and Marietta. It's been a long slog and I'd like to help those students get the answers that no one was willing or able to give me.

My project this fall centers around Development or Advancement. Not only do many FGCS not know what the Development office does but many faculty, staff and traditional students have no idea. The Development department, in a nut shell, begs for money. What they really do is help find donors to defray the cost of an ever increasing public or private education system.

I intend to find out what, if any, solution schools have to educating FGCS on the function of the Development Department. I'm going to call several out of sate school in order to find out how they approach FGCS for alumni gifts or even what they do to "plant the seed' of giving in FGCS before they ever leave school.

During that process I will standardize questions for my data set which will include many mid-Tennessee schools in my interview and data collection. It's all qualitative work but I'm looking forward to talking to these professionals to find out if this is a desired or target area for them at all.

About 60 years ago the population of the United States that had obtained a bachelor's degree was less than 4%. As of 2000 that number had increased to 24% and will continue to increase. This means there is about 76% of the adult population that can potentially obtain a college education.

As these folk enter into colleges and universities it is important for us the educators to remember that we will need to attend to more and more folks who have no idea what a FASFA is or that the Health Services is basically free or that a meal plan means you don't get your money back at the end if you "save" meals.

More importantly to this particular research it is getting to the "why" of giving. Why should I give back to a school I paid nearly $100,000 to attend? Why should I help pay a president's salary that is already grossly inflated? Why should I give anything to the school; I give at church? Why this, why that, why why why?

To many questions, but I hope to answer a few, raise many more and get folks talking about this. Colleges and universities need to tap into this resources and the more marketable they make themselves to students after they are already at a school the better chance they have at retention and getting support to continue the mission of the school.

day twenty-five

2007-10-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

My friend Mykee from Ohio turned me on to this site: http://pandora.com/

Please check it out and let me know what you think. It's free radio and it attempts to be intuitive based on your likes and dislikes of what they play. I think it might be the coolest thing on the internet right now.

day twenty-four

2007-09-23T20:09:00.001-07:00

Anyone see a problem with this? You may have to click the pic in order to see it.

day twenty-three

2007-09-20T16:28:00.001-07:00

Last night was our first official rush event. The guys were going out to collect rubbish and sort it for recycling. So, they took the recruits with them.

A couple months ago I sat down with the President, VP and Recruitment Chair of the fraternity. For years,since the 80's at least, rush has been about one of two things. In the 80's it was about hazing (see Animal House the movie) or wining and dinning (current). Much of your rush budget goes to having the best food, the best entertainment the best (insert something cool here). I decided we were going to take a risk.

I mentioned to the guys that I thought doing something different for rush would be a good idea. It might be a cool idea to have the potential members to give back instead of us "throwing money" at them. At first it was met with resistance. I heard everything from we can't get that approved to they don't want to do things like that.

Here's the rub. I didn't fight it. I sat there. I listed to them. I let them fuss and eventually and amazing thing happened...they started to convince themselves it was possible.
I saw this revelation spread. Soon, they had convinced themselves it was not only possible but a good idea.

I could have easily told them this would happen. I could have demanded they find a way to make it happen. I could have...lost my credibility with the leadership. Instead, I sat there for over 40 minutes while they railed and argued and eventually came to the same conclusion that I had. The students would respond favorably to the opportunity to give back, risk or not.

Last night I received and email from the vice president saying that the CS event was a major success. He told me today there were more than 35 guys at the event smiling, laughing and having a great time sifting though other people's trash in order to give back!

I'm proud, not because I took a risk (twice) and came up with a good idea. I'm proud because I have guys who would find it as important as I do to promote something like this and work hard to pull it off. I'm happy to be working with them and can only hope I am blessed to work with groups, professional or not, like these guys.

day twenty-two

2007-08-28T16:34:00.001-07:00

So I was told I need to update my blog therefore I will do so. I've been working hard these last few weeks. I have been given several tasks by my supervisor to complete and with that, meetings with RAs, rush week and fraternity meetings, judicial situations and the other 43,000,000 things that come with the job.

We are in the middle of rush week. It's a lot different than I remember but Belmont has some serious rules and the IFC is really young and I believe they are unsure of their power. At any rate there are several events this week culminating in the formal event on Friday and voting on bids and then the process of handing out bids on Saturday and the acceptance of the bids Saturday evening.

It's one of the most nervous times the fraternity has left. We've accomplished so much over the last couple of years but if we are not able to promote ourselves effectively and don't recruit well then all the work is for nothing. (I say nothing but the years spent making the organization what it is today was not wasted.)

Good recruitment is the effectual witness of members to non-members, describing the positive value our fraternity can have in their lives. I'll know better how well the men were prepared to do this on Saturday.

The event look most forward to is the formal recruitment event on Friday. This event tends to be more for the current members than the potential members. It contains a lot of history and tration and many things the potential members may not understand. However there is enough stuff in there like our national philanthropy (Hole in the Wall Camps) that they may realize but will identify with.

To me it is the true showcase of what our fraternity is about. A bunch of clean cut, dedicated guys talking about becoming good leaders, better men and more involved. I'm proud to be involved with these guys most of the time. They still make mistakes and have their individual issues but they try...they really are trying hard to be better.

day twenty-one

2007-08-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

So I feel like a putz today. I made a commitment to work with some students this weekend and help them develop a better understanding of their Strengths. Instead of going to the camp this weekend I'm stuck here at my apartment with a bum back.

I know the back problem wasn't something I scheduled for this weekend however I still feel like crap! I had back surgery about 2 years ago and I just have had horrible problems with it off and on ever since. I had minor problems with my back before the surgery but nothing like this.

I was working at Marietta College at the time. We were moving furniture and carpets that had been flooded during one of the big floods during the winter of 2004-2005. It was cold out and wet and my back just snapped. A better description would be that my cartilage between the L4 and L5 vertebrae was so compressed by the muscles in contraction that it snapped the cartilage. I had a couple chunks floating around in there. It felt like fire was shooting up my leg. Somehow though it was a numb and wouldn't work right.

For weeks I had dealt with the pain. I had tried to shrug it off as nothing much. However one Sunday morning about 5 am I got up as I did many nights to move around and try to keep it from stiffening up I found I was bent into a permanent question mark. I called campus security and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

At the hospital they gave me a cocktail of Demerol, muscle relaxers and something else. I can see how people get hooked on heroine. It was like floating on a marshmallow cloud. For an hour or so I got the best rest I had in months. Then the pain came back.

Luckily a dean was more stubborn than I and noticed that I was in horrid pain and sent me to a local Physician's Assistant. The PA took X-Rays and sent me off that evening for a MRI. The MRI showed the damage and by Friday I was in Columbus having surgery. Needless to say I was a little worried. I had no insurance and no way to pay the $5,000 MRI much less the doctor visit, the ambulance ride, hospital stay, etc.

They tell me that I'm lucky because the L4-L5 will never bother me again. However the L3-L4 or L5-L6 could do the same thing one day. The residual paralysis in my leg and foot MAY go away as I get older and the nerves grow back. IF they grow back. Greeeeat.

Flip to today the thing that bothers me most is that I don't know what I did to deserve this or even make it flare up this time. I'm less concerned even with the pain and more with it's untimeliness. This is the first time it has interfered with a major event. What happens when I'm scheduled to speak to a board of trustees or when I'm n a job interview?

I apologized to the staff members that asked me to go this weekend and they were gracious enough to reschedule me for a later time to speak to the students about Strengths. I'm happy for that but extremely disappointed in myself that I let them down in the first place.

day twenty

2007-08-26T16:27:00.001-07:00

I haven't quit posting. I feel guilty that I haven't kept up on this but life is just speeding by at the moment. Soon, I'll get back in the swing of things.

day nineteen

2007-08-25T16:54:00.000-07:00

So it's the first day of my first weekend in a month. I spent some of the day just lounging. I just heard a phrase, "You know it's a different world; all fun, all the time." While I don't believe this to be true I wonder about our culture a little.

Ours is a culture of hard work and hard play. Pleasure though seems to be at the core of both. If you don't love your job then leave it. There'll be another around the corner. You can find someone to "have fun with" at your job. This might be a same sex friend or an opposite sex friend. We spend corporate money to plan mandatory fun time. Time and money is spent on company outings and time spent "relaxing" on the job.

During play we spends gobs of money on trips, food, luxury and epic vacations. We go to places like Las Vegas, Maui, Hawaii, Virgin Islands and Paris for weeks, weekends or months. Almost as much time is spent planning a vacation to New York City as was planned on the first space shuttle launch. It never seems to be enough. Big weddings, huge honeymoons, uber family vacations the kids will NEVER forget.

At first it might seem that I'm bashing family time or down time. I'm not. I'm outlining the idea that we work hard and play hard. Everything is awesome, outlandish, extreme and over the top. When do we just live life? At retirement? I know lots of retired folks who scuttle around the country or even the globe trying to experience as much as possible in the last 10 or 25 years.

I feel like I need to find a balance in my life where I work and play. That's all. Nothing EXTREME or AMAZING. Just plain old time to work and time to play. It seems like that's how we're wired and how we would optimally run. Work, play, and just have a good life.

day eighteen

2007-08-24T15:07:00.001-07:00

Man it's been a ridiculous couple weeks. I'm looking forward to the weekend. It'll be the first weekend I've had in 4 weeks. For those of you keeping scores that's 4 full weeks of work with minimal breaks for sleep.

I look back at the last couple weeks and I'm happy that I was able to keep it together. I lost my temper a couple of times and I was very close to packing it in. I really needed to hear talks about the good things were doing at Belmont in student leadership development and "sermons" about refinement.

I generally don't lose my temper. I had a dad that lost his temper at the drop of a hat. It was very tough living with him and he hasn't changed a whole lot. I know I don;t want to be like that so I try my very best to keep my temper.

For some reason Chris and I were under the microscope during opening. On top of that we had some very important parts of training and of course there are always the wonderful summer students to get the HECK OUT on time.

Put all of that together with RAs who were having meltdowns and supervisors loosing their minds at the drop of a hat it just wasn't a, shall we say, sane environment to work.

Chris and I are given master keys to the entire complex. They are called "master keys." If one of these keys are lost not only do we lose our jobs but we will have to pay to have new keys cut for every room and new locks placed. In total it would cost right around $60,000. It's kind of important that we keep track of these.

I had handed out my master key to one of the RAs to do some work one evening. Being wore out makes it so hard to keep track of the million things going on. I lost track of the key. The next morning my supervisor had ANOTHER level 12 emergency and it was just all I could take. With not getting enough sleep and it seeming like my current incarnation of a career was falling apart I went to reach for my mast key an noticed it wasn't around.

I called the last RA that I knew had it and she said she gave it back. I never yelled but I told her that I needed to find that key now, and that she should have been sure where the key was 7 hours ago not thinking about it that morning.

As the morning dragged on and we got the situation calmed down I went by my apartment to come unglued for a second and just on a hunch I check the pants I was wearing the night before. Sure enough there was the key. Man. I felt like a tool. The worst part is that the RA came up to me later in tears because they care so much what I think about them that any harsh words even the mild chastising I did earlier that day just broke her down.

I thought I couldn't feel worse but I did. It was the prefect low point and reminder why I try and keep it together better. I was sick enough I didn't eat lunch at all.

...

That's my confession. There's nothing I can say about it. I was wrong to snap. I have a thousand excuses why that reaction could be shrugged off but none of them are good enough. I hate that. I call it my "wonderful Irish temper."

I have no good excuses. I never want to do that again.

day seventeen

2007-08-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm speaking in a couple of weeks at a student leadership retreat. The university is starting a Strengths based initiative. If you've not heard of this, it's a movement of positive psychology whereby the main tenant of positive psychology is: There are many more well adjusted folks out there than maladjusted. Therefore why aren't we studying the well adjusted instead. The well adjusted may have more answers for the treatment of the maladjusted. Ok, that's not the official party line but it's my paraphrase so good enough!

Strengths was developed by the folks at Gallup. They interviewed people they deemed successful, well adjusted adults who were "high functioning" in their particular field of expertises. Gallup reported finding many of the successful folks repeating themes such as, "a positive outlook" or "commanding styles of personality." They decided that they could pare down these qualities to 36 main themes and everyone would fall into these categories.

Now to the strict psychologist out there I'm sure you are cringing. I know, but just settle down and if you want go get the book and see what they really did as far as quantification of data, statistical research and validation go for it. They explain it all better than I.

At any rate, Strengths is based on all of us having many good qualities that are not emphasized enough in work and life. Strengths says that many of us are employed to get a job done, however many times we are not energized by the work. Strengths helps find what energizes you and helps find ways to employ that energy in work and home life.

Strengths does not deny the existence of weakness. We all have them. The object is to understand what your weakness is and just manage it. Just be good enough at the weak parts of your personality but really emphasis the strong parts. Feed the strong parts. Spend time on what energizes you instead of what drains you.

It's a great way to look at life. If you are creative enough even the most mundane jobs can be energizing if you are able to employ your strengths while doing it. This is why it's important to get the next generation of managers to buy into he strengths phenomena. We want the next generation to dwell on the positive in each employee not the deficiencies.

day sixteen

2007-08-22T12:55:00.001-07:00

So I'm told that I sound much more relaxed now. I fee l a little more relaxed at least for the time being. I'm just looking at the next few months and I kind of cringe at all the stuff going on. Why do I do this to myself?

Not including all the work related activities of being an RD which include supervision of 6 employees, programs to run, programs to make sure happen, interaction between me and residents, meetings and committees I have also committed to several other things.

I'm an adviser for a fraternity. We have made great strides over the last couple years going from financially in the hole and strapped for members (down to 5 at one point). Now we are fiscally well off with nearly 40 members and looking to have well over 50 after fall rush. We'll have recruitment, association, initiation all within a month and a half. Also, we'll have a couple major events and chapter meetings every Sunday evening.

Recently I was approached by the Dean to lead a discussion group on a book. I was asked to present some material at a student leadership weekend retreat and I'm taking a class. The class being an independent study on Advancement and giving in higher education with a special emphasis on the first generation college student and their progression into alumnus status. This will be incorporated in my thesis and may stand alone as research when the semester is over.

I'm not listing all of this for accolades or pity. A lot of this is more for my benefit because I think listing all of it somehow will give me more control over it. Right now it just makes me a little anxious. While i was studying psychology I was told that anxiety comes from a person attempting to "live" either further in the future or the past. Meaning, as we tend to dwell on the past or the future anxiety increases. I try to remember this fact every time life starts to get a little crazy.

I find that most of my anxiety comes from future possibility. That doesn't stop me, I still find myself to be ambitious and desire to have a future full of possibilities. So, I find myself in a catch 22 sometimes. I have a great desire to be professionally successful but at the same time I don't want to cause any undue stress on myself or those I'm closest to.

I know there are many trials I'll face in adulthood. I've met trials and won a few battles so far. I look forward to overcoming the trials up ahead and especially look forward to the good times. However, as I get older I'm trying to make time to just live in the present and enjoy life as it is. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done.

day fifteen

2007-08-21T17:27:00.001-07:00

I'm halfway there! Whew!

Check this site out: http://www.hwa.org/SelfEval.shtml

This is what it said about me. I'm not sure it's totally accurate but it's pretty darn close for never having met me and it being a self test.

You tend to move confidently in the world and don't need much encouragement in order to believe in yourself in general... at least on the surface. But what's behind that when one really peers a little closer? You are fairly comfortable with who you are and your family. You can take it or leave it when party invitation time comes around. That is, some you will take, and others you will kindly decline. You tend to be a little skeptical about having to always be the same person, and you like to have a little wiggle room to become someone new from time to time. No big deal. Understandable: You like flexibility!
Wow! You really are into CONTROL, huh? Ever wonder what might happen if you try lightening up a bit? The world won't fall apart if you try a little gentle breathing and peaceful moments by the lake sometime. Have you noticed that people often think you TALK and JUDGE more than you FEEL and LISTEN!? Try to calm down a bit. Relax... But of course, we'd give you good marks for keeping things NEAT, I guess. Some of those pointy edges in the personality, huh? I'm sure you've heard a thing or two about how you can be cutting, biting, or perhaps even insensitive? You probably don't have a lot of patience with what you'd call "those overly-emotional people" because that's something you just don't quite know how a lot about! Quiet Optimism. That'd be one way to characterize this phase of your life. But then again, perhaps others might call it more Naive Hopefulness!. Certainly you DO tend right now to have a hopeful slant to your personality. Be thankful since it's there at the moment, and get on with life! The term Good Little Girl / Good Little Boy springs to mind because you tend to not like to go too much against the grain of society where rules of engagement are involved. You'd prefer to be safe than sorry, and don't like to run too much off the beaten path, so as to avoid being noticed as standing out from the crowd.

Let me know how it works out for you!

day fourteen

2007-08-20T18:12:00.001-07:00

I was called out for the first time this school year. There was a suspected party in one of the apartments. I was called last night about 1130pm by an RA. He said he was an RA from one of the res halls (Kenndey Hall) but was hanging out with a friend in one of our apartments.

He got the room number for me and I went to meet him at the residence. I called the RA on duty to met me there with some Community Conduct forms. I met the Kenndey RA at the front of the building and we talked about the incident a little. He said that he wasn't sure anything was going on but he wanted to make sure everything was kosher.

So after waiting for my RA to come for some time I indicated we needed to go find out what was taking her so long. As we walked to the clubhouse to try and find her he said something that struck me. He said that he didn't want to be a tattle tale or a fink but he just felt like it was his duty to say something. He was right. Not only was it his duty but it was his job. It was his job as a member of the community. It was his duty as a man of integrity and character to tell someone.

I'm not sure if anyone else has a problem with his frame of mind but I do. A few years ago I might have had a different take on it, however in my old age it just rubbed me the wrong way. Since when did it become "telling" when you are doing your job; and most importantly when did it becoming finking when an young man, obviously trying to be full of integrity, feels bad about doing what's right?

Somewhere along the lines someone has told this young man that it is wrong to do what's right! Somewhere he has head a voice saying, "let people do whatever they want, it's none of your business." Liberty is something I prize but I also find pride in one's community and their local values. This young man was uncertain of his responsibility to his community and was so distraught by this he felt the need to apologize to me, in this case the leader of his community for doing what is ethically and dutifully, right.

I'm frustrated by this. I'm frustrated by the fact that he felt the need to apologize. That his friends tried to talk him out of it in order to "keep the peace" with their neighbors. I'm frustrated that he may have strained relationships with others all stemming from the fact that he is a man of integrity.

To have chastised this young man would forever make him second guess when it would be appropriate to get involved. He may develop doubts about getting involved. The next time it could be someone's daughter needing help on the street. The next time it could be someone's son next door being hurt.

Many of us don't think about these times as being pivotal moments in student and personal development. As I reflect on this moment it occurs to me that the wrong advice at that particular moment or a playful chide taken out of context could drastically change that young man's view on community accountability.

How many of us had friends or loved ones alter the way we look at "rules," law, mores or regulations? I ask you to think about these words: Community, value, integrity, accountability. Do you remember when the meaning of these words changed for you?

day thirteen

2007-08-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm running on empty at this point. I'm so tired I can't sleep. I'm so worn out I don't want to do anything. I still have one more week of work before I get a weekend off.

I only had to spend half the afternoon in the office today so that has helped a little but I'm still feeling, well empty. I know I'm an introvert and require lots of time alone in order to recharge and be around people. I've spent the last three weeks in almost constant contact with someone. I feel like a battery that is so uncharged that it won't recharge at this point.

I'm not feeling particularly grump just very short. My patience has just been worn thin. I love the quote from Lord of the rings. Bilbo Baggins says, "I feel thin, like butter spread over too much bread." That's the bet way to describe it.

And I just got onto my neighbors for practicing outside of practice hours. I'm going to turn this into one of those superstitious things like, raining on a wedding day being god luck. Perhaps if the year starts out really, really stressful then it's going to smooth out and be peaches and cream. One can hope, yeh?

day twelve

2007-08-19T17:49:00.001-07:00

8-18-2007, this day was move in day. I'm glad it's done.

day eleven

2007-08-17T13:33:00.001-07:00

Today our final speaker for Week One activities was the Senior VP and General Counsel of Chick-Fil-A. The best part was that later in the day I was able to show him his child's apartment and speak with him a little.

His thoughts at lunch were good. He spoke about many of the things the other speakers mentioned. He talked about the Strength's movement and the book Good to Great. He even promised to buy all the participants of Week One a free book to get them started on discovering their Strengths. There's about 200 students participating in this.

Mr. Ledbetter is kind of a big deal in the restaurant business world. During his tenure the company has expanded from 100 stores to 1300+. He's helped create one of the fastest growing, most financially secure fast food businesses in America. Chick-Fil-A has shown amazing growth over the last few decades and Mr. Ledbetter has been integral to its success.

Mr. Ledbetter is a very nice man. If you have the opportunity I'd recommend a Chick-Fil-A run when you get a chance. If all the parents in my complex acted like this guy my life would be cake. Granted, I can't speak for how he acts all the time but that day after driving in, having a speaking engagement, moving in several boxes he still seemed pleasant and affable.

So this entry isn't necessarily an insight to anything. It's more of a running commentary on my current life. I thought I'd just give Chick-Fil-A a little shout out and let everyone know that their senior management gets a thumbs up from me right now.

Oh and for the time being, until it cycles through, I have the Senior VP of Chick-Fil-A's cell phone number in my phone. I'm thinking of going out for a sandwich and freaking out some Chick-Fil-A workers.

day ten

2007-08-16T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight the speaker for Week One was the Nashville Predator's head coach. It was extremely cool to be in the same space as this guy but he seemed nervous. He referenced several times that he didn't feel like he was the smartest guy in the room. When I've experienced this statement in the past the person saying it actually believed that they were the smartest person in the room and they were attempting humility or they felt outclassed by the folks around them therefore they felt the need to make some unnecessary confession. The speech unfortunately was disappointing.

We also had our RA skits tonight. In the past these have been relatively funny. I told someone today that I thought they were more like Saturday Night Live skits after Chris Farley left. They tried too hard and went on too long thinking it'll be funny again if we just keep going. Some were creative. Some were innovative. Some...well we've already covered those.

The speaker for the RA training finale was excellent though. We asked the preacher from Belmont Heights to wrap up the week. I'm sure he had used this story before but it was just what I needed to hear and I think many of the RAs appreciated the sentiment as well.

He started by talking about faith hope and love but the crux of his story was this. He talked about the refinement process of gold. The process goes something like this. The smelter dumps a lot of slag into a crucible and turns up the heat. As the heat melts the rock containing the precious gold the gold settles to the bottom and the molten rock comes to the top. The smelter then takes a piece of wood and draws it across the top and removes the molten rock. Then turns up the heat.

This process is repeated over and over. The way the smelter knows he is finished is when he can look into the crucible and see his own reflection. The speaker then said that is how God works in our lives. He said that this school year God may attempt to refine us by turning up the heat and all he is attempting to do is get rid of the junk until all he can see in the depths of us is his reflection.

I went into the Week One session with the Predator's coach and was a little disappointed. I then went to the RA training finale thinking "just get this over with." Clout, nice suits and the anticipation of a potentially great moment can sometimes create a vacuum which no amount of well organized, well meaning thoughts can rescue. I was reminded that no matter what you speak about or who you are talking to; deliver the message with passion and conviction and the great moments will just happen.

day nine

2007-08-15T21:20:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was our first Week One speaker. This man was the preacher of the Brentwood Baptist Church and a Board of Trustees member. I've never met the man but it was a very moving speech about the importance and interest God has taken in each and every one of us and our individual purpose on this planet. Like many speakers I feared it would be rehashed from earlier speeches and it was but the effect was still there.

It illustrated very effectively that God, when creating you, had you the way you are in mind and when he was finished making you (and me) he stepped back and the Bible translates it as, "It was good." However, he said the Bible translators have had problems with that particular passage because the translations are tricky. The Hebrew used is actually slang. Many people who study the Bible are not surprised by this. There are several places in the Bible where the language gets quite conversational and down right crude sometimes.

At any rate the point he as making is that the very best translation we can get from the particular passage speaking about God creating us was God created us and he said, "YES!" He married that thought to a verse in Matthew and the beatitudes that say "Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no' be 'no.' Anything else is of the devil."

He posited Jesus may have been talking more about the passions we have in our lives and how these passions are played out. He talked about the things we do in life should be "YES!" moments and we should be less concerned with the overbearing "nos" in life.

I agree. Many of us raised with a religious backgrounds have been taught to fear God but few of us have been taught God's love and his plan for us. We spend most of our time on the defensive playing some sort of cosmic hockey game with God. If I just defend enough against the bad things then I might, MIGHT be good enough to get into heaven.

If we live our lives like we were made with a spiritual purpose then all the "YES!" moments will start showing through and the "nos" will slink away to the dark where they belong. I know i want to live my life like I have a particular reason to be here and a particular purpose. I want to be God's YES man.

day eight

2007-08-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

I want anyone who might be reading this to be aware of this situation. Quentin is a friend of mine and he truly has faced some pretty bad circumstances in his life so far. However, in all of this he has a heart about as big as anyone I've ever met. If any of you get the privilege of meeting Quentin count it a blessing. He is someone you will never, never forget.

"Why Me????
I've never once question God. My parents divorced August 2001, I didn't question God; my grandfather died last year, I didn't question God; I'm overweight, I never question God. Yesterday (August 13th, 2007) my father falls down the steps going to work. I get a phone call saying to meet him at the hospital due to a severe fall.
I spend three hours at the hospital with him just to hear that he's going to be bruised, sore and that he would be ok. I get home and about 2 or 3 hours later a nurse comes by our apartment and talks to dad. They took an urine sample at the hospital and it came back postive for one disease. That disease is Lou Gehrig's Disease. I didn't question God because this can happen to anyone, but I often wonder why me? My father will be in a wheelchair this time next year due to this crude illness. I promised him that I would never put him in a nursing home but I don't know what I should do? What should I do?
After hearing this horrific news about my father, I walk to mom's house to have dinner with her. I walked over there to get my mind off of dad and to cry some tears. Mom cooked my favorite meal: steak, mashed potaotes, corn and rolls. I'm eating and enjoying my meal and she tells me some more bad news: she's got breast cancer; I didn't question God but why me?? She goes the 29th for a biopsy to make sure. she had a heart attack last month and I almost lost her and this comes up, I do not want to loose my mother and father at 20 years old. But I never questioned God.
After I finish my dinner and taking this information in, she tells me somemore bad news. My uncle, my only uncle, whom I look up too; he's my hero and idol, my only uncle out of 7 aunts, has brain cancer. But once again, I never questioned God, but WHY ME?????
I think I've endured enough through this life. Worrying how my parents are, how my grandparents, brother, sister, nieces are doing. Thinking about how I'm going to pay for my tuition this semester, thinking about my future. I want a better life for myself, I want to move west and pursue a career in the movies. I want to be able to support my parents and everyone in my family for the rest of their lives. I want to pay off their bills, medical bills, and set them for life.
I sit outside my apartment building and just think about how awesome it would be to live in a 3 million dollar house, drive 15 different cars, and be making movies and pursuing my goals and dreams. Does that sound selfish? If so, forgive me but I think I deserve something grand out of this hardship called life.
I never question God because he allows things to happen.... But I often wonder WHY ME??? I sometimes think to myself, let someone else go through what I've gone through and let me have their life for one day. Is that selfish? I think so but life is selfish and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of eaking my way through life, I'm tired of being a nobody. I pray everyday for God not to give me strength, but make me a stronger person."

day six, seven, eight?...

2007-08-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

I've not given up on my commitment to write everyday, however these have/are some of the busiest days of the year for me. I've got so much to write about and some I need to confess as well.

Each day, time keeps slipping away before I get an opportunity to write anything. My days are starting sometime around 7am and end anywhere between 10pm and 11pm. I'm just exhausted when i get home but I'll try to do a better job.

At this time of the year any encouragement at all is welcome.

day five

2007-08-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of RA training. It's went really smooth. The RAs we have seem to be eager to help and eager to work. I wonder how long this will last. I do not presume they are lazy but it's hot out and they are going hard at it tonight. Chris and I set the precedent that the harder you work on the front end the easier it'll be on the back. I sure hope we're not lying to them.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a leader. I'm not sure if I am but I like where I'm headed. If this is leading it seems to be getting easier as I get older. I'm not as upset by mistakes as I used to be; mine and theirs. I find mistakes are moments to teach instead of reasons to punish. It's becoming easier to not "freak out" about things but to listen and truly hear what's going on in the situation.

I'm not sure if this is leading. It could just be me doing my thing and a bunch of folks saying, "That looks like fun and he looks like a fun guy let's do that for a while." I call this my Forrest Gump style of leading. I take off running at a task and wake up one day to find a gaggle of folks following along behind.

I look forward to the daily discussion I have with people about philosophy and art, music and math. It really does energize me to talk to students all day about various subjects I may have some, little or no experience. I know I can learn from them and will never be too old to learn from the youngest child to the eldest person I know.

For all the frustrations I have in this job now I'm looking to the future benefits it may provide and therefore I'm building templates that will make me better at what I do. I may not be able to change the world. I decided that a long time ago. I can, however shape the people that will change the world.

day four

2007-08-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

Nobility. Wealth. It used to be that these words meant something. I think that the modern interpretation of wealth equals money but I wonder if there is a modern word equivalent to the word "nobility."

The reason I bring this up is a situation that happened a few days ago. A mother had called me to complain about an issue with her son's room. These phone calls are not uncommon and on the front end she seemed quite civil. She even started the conversation with "Is this Nate?" and "Do you have a moment to talk...am I interrupting anything?" I said 'no' and we proceeded to engage in dialog. That's where the civility ended.

She had some valid concerns such as a concern about her son's roommate having access to his room. She felt someone had been in there because some of her son's stuff had been moved around and he was very neat and would not have just left it untidy. She also stated that someone had used the toilet and had not flushed. Beyond those two concern little else she had to say made me take any note at all.

She went on to explain that the roommate had a couple of desks in the living room and there was little room to move around. She said that there were trash papers all over the place and that the roommate had pictures of his family all over the apartment. She even alluded to the roommate being possibly gay. Big deal, right?

I tried to assure her that I would speak to the roommate and her son about the living conditions and we would work something out. Apparently tis wasn't good enough for her. She stated that she knew the roommate was from Mississippi (this was almost whispered) and that he may not have nice stuff like her son but she expected the apartment to look better than it did.

She went on to explain that her son had expensive taste and that he had several thousand dollar suits while the roommate had a broken i Pod player in the kitchen and ratty furniture. This list continued on for several minutes. It just got worse and worse. It was like this wild dark spiral of the have and the have nots. She was digging herself deeper and deeper and also seemed to be making herself more and more embarrassed; yet she would not stop.

The whole thing might be laughable if she hadn't been so hysterical. Of course she threatened me with calling the president (ha! you wouldn't be the first) and taking pictures of the place to have it published in he paper. That's asinine for a couple reasons a) like anyone reads the local paper anymore and b) like the Nashville paper has nothing better to run than some pictures of a college kid's "dirty" apartment.

Under normal circumstance I would have the students talk to each other. In worsening circumstances I would have the RA mediate. In extreme circumstances I would intervene myself with an option of moving one or the other students. While I wasn't sure we were to the extreme yet I was willing to speak with this guy and his roommate and see if I could help all based on this mother's complaint!

The mother decided that being condescending to me would be the best route for her and she said some very nasty things as well as asking for supervisors contact information in order to "get me in trouble." Aside: This tactic almost never works at a private school. I'm not sure about state schools but I don't even break a sweat when they say it to me anymore.

I tell you this whole story for a couple of reasons. First, NEVER act like this. Folks in the service industry are not there to suck the happiness out of your day. Most of us want to make you happy and want you help you with problems. We do not respond well to threats anymore than the "customer" would.

Second, it appeared that the woman believed that her money would talk in this situation. She referenced several times how much she was able to give to her child and how little both I and the guy from Mississippi had.

I went to look at this horrid mess of an apartment after this 40 minute conversation with momma bear. Words can't describe what I found. Well, perhaps they can. The apartment was amazingly appropriate. There was a lot of stuff in it including some antiques. There was a desk strategically positioned to be used as a shelf behind the couch. The room was warm and inviting. I felt like i could fall asleep in the apartment. I'm sure it didn't look like that when the mother bear came charging in but the day I went to see it...well let's just say it looked ready to be lived in. Many people including myself would love to have apartments that looked so homey.

Let's come back to the issue of wealth, nobility and money. This mother had money. She was in no way noble. She may have had things but I would not ever call her wealthy. Wealth to me indicates a marriage of respect, money and nobility. Notice that I have never said that wealth was the presence of great sums of money. Wealth is not the ability to acquire possessions and leverage them when outclassed in argument. Wealth is the confidence to know that what you are and what you have indeed are two different things. This lady I believe let her possessions rule her and will always be that way.

I desire a different life for me and my family. I never want to have money if that's what it means. I do however, want to be wealthy all the days of my life.

day three

2007-08-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Today was yet another long day. It seems like it will be that way until about September but then with rush in September I think it might linger into October. Well, on second thought in October we have retreats and new member stuff, plus that is the meat of the semester for programs put on by RAs and I'll be in the middle of yet another class. So perhaps November will slow down...oh, initiation and...well let's just say it's going to be a long semester and perhaps a very long year.

I guess the thing that's weighing most on my mind is the possibility of doing all of this by myself. It's my desire to be the Dean of Students/Vice President of a university someday. I've been particularly worried recently that I'm not being developed in the way that will give me the skills to transfer to the net level smoothly and therefore make me marketable for director level positions. I confided to my supervisor that I felt they were developing me to be a better Residence Director and I don't want to be a better Residence Director. I want to be a decent Residence Director but I want to be an amazing Dean!

When I first started this career path there was little expected of me. I made my share of mistakes but I'm smart enough to muddle through with no major hiccups. I took this position at Belmont University and for the first semester I worked by myself with 5 RAs. Before the Spring semester I was asked to take a position in an apartment complex ran by the school. There are two RDs in this complex, mainly because of the social/discipline issues and the sheer number of students. From that moment on I had someone to help me and make some shoestring catches and vice versa. I had someone to pull my ass out of the fire from time to time and vice versa. I had someone to gripe with and at. I had someone to learn with and to help figure things out.

Soon my friend and work partner may be leaving for greener pastures. I'm so very excited and happy for him. I wish him and his wife the best, however I'm not sure about myself. Yesterday I felt the percentage of nervous versus happy for the opportunity was 60% nervous versus 40% happy. Today for some reason I became peaceful with what may come. I'm probably less than 4% nervous and falling.

I don't know what did it. Something just clicked today. I know who I will choose to be my assistant. This person is amazing and talented and eager and all the good things. I'm confident after consideration and prayer that this person will accept the position if/when it comes open. I know my supervisors will support me and most importantly I know this will be amazing experience. This could be just what I need to convince myself that I am ready for the next level. It's like a training bra for being a dean. I'll have an assistant RD and 12 RAs under me and 400+ residents under them. It's my own little city.

As of today I'm now looking forward to it. The kicker is that at this point I know nothing of what might happen and under normal circumstances I would be flipping out. My friend has not heard anything but either way, I'm ready.

day two

2007-08-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

Man, what a day! I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I am a true believer in Murphy's Law. At any rate...

This morning about 9am I took my car in to be serviced. I went in a few days ago with my friend and Firestone was running a deal; for about $150 you get a lifetime (of the car) free alignments and tire rotation. That may not seem like a big deal but it is to me. I like to take care of my car and it's one I'd like to keep for a while.

When I found out about this the technician mentioned that on the back of any Kroger receipt there is a coupon for about 20 dollars off this lifetime service. So, last night I went to Kroger, bought some milk and cereal and got the coupon. I'm not normally a coupon guy but for whatever reason I was last night.

Back to this morning, I came in and had my little coupon. There were about 4 or 5 other folks in the waiting area. I had made such a big deal about it the other day the two ladies working remembered me and greeted me happily asking if I had gotten my coupon. I gladly slapped it down and the lady announced that I had gotten $21 dollars off the total price. She also indicated that I was "lucky" because three coupons had printed off on the one receipt. I paid and turned to leave.

I noticed an older man (in his 70s probably) got up and was talking to the attendant. I'm guessing he asked how he could get the discount. I was almost to the door and for some reason when the attendant said "...on the back of any Kroger receipt..." it caught my attention.

In that moment there was a kind of pause. It was like everyone in the store was watching me leave. I turned, pulled the rest of the ticket out of my pocket and said "Here, apparently I'm lucky. Spread it around there's two left." I whooshed out the door.

I'm not telling this story to get accolades for what I did. I think most folk would have done that. There are just several things that happened together that make me wonder about the situation.

First, why would I care anything about getting the coupon from Kroger. Second, why did I happen to hear those exact words "...on the back of any Kroger receipt..." I wonder if the people there were actually expecting me to stop or if it was my imagination. Would someone do that for my dad?

While I am frugal I normally would have just thought a few dollars off a life time tire alignment isn't worth the trouble of me going to Kroger at 930pm last night. I generally weigh the inconvenience to me versus the benefit. I think many of us do this. How often do we do this a day or a month even? It would be interesting to find out in one month how much the decision to keep from inconveniencing oneself leads to us to missing commitments, missing deadlines, "forgetting" about things, lying about stuff or just plain old deciding not to do something. I imagine it would be a surprising number. I would also assume we would be surprised by the number of times this comes back to cause more problems and therefore ends up costing us time. If I would have weighed the situation differently and decided to pay the extra money, I would not have been able to help that old man out.

Some folks believe that all living things are connected. They believe that we all share an empathic link with rocks, trees, animals and the universe in general. They would explain the feeling I had of everyone looking at me as the universe pausing to see if I would respond they way it expected me to.

I've taken many long trips here recently and I have had a lot of time to think. I sometimes think about the smallest mistake driving and how it could change my life. I think, if I would have been right there, on that side of the road when that truck turned over my life might be... One little thing and everything I know could have been changed. What if I would have went into the Marines at 18 and went to war? What if I didn't go to college and stayed in Proctorville? What about, not just the "big" moments in my life but the small ones too. Like, what if I said the wrong thing in a job interview and it cost me my job and...and...and...now I'm homeless.

I truly think our days are full of these moments, but we are so busy and so involved in our own lives, thoughts and tasks that we don't hear the universe stop, pause, and hold its breath just long enough to make us realize we should be doing something here. This moment, this one right here is a big deal. You are about to make a life altering decision so make it a good one. Look for those moment. Listen for them. They are there.

Finally, would someone do that for my dad? I'm sure someone would have. That question is heavy today as later that morning my mom called and said my dad was in hospital again. This is the second time in less than a week. This is his 4th trip this year and his 7th or 8th in two years. For all the philosophical mumbo-jumbo, all that really matters is that someone was helped today and perhaps karma or God or whatever force you believe is guiding this universe will help you out a little by putting the right person in the right place to help you out or someone you care about and change your entire existence for the better.

I'm thankful for those people because I have a girlfriend because of them. I still have my dad because of them. I still have almost every friend I've ever know all because someone made the decision they did. However, how many friends have I lost or never even met because someone made the wrong one? All this from a seemingly inconsequential moment at a tire shop.

day one (special edition)

2007-08-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

A friend contacted me yesterday. I'm not going to give all the situational information. Let's just say this person asked for my help and instead of directly helping to fix the problem, I went out of my way to bloviate and thus found a tangent which probably did nothing short of confound the situation. At this, I am an expert.

So many times its seems that when someone asks for help folks either tend to give them the help we think they need or the help they've asked for. BUT, How do we know when to give help that is asked for instead of the help we believe they should have?

Example 1: A person stops you on a bridge and says, "Should I jump?" In this case obviously we give them the help we think they should have. Answer: "NO! You have so much to live for." Or in the case of a geriatric jumper: "You have so much wisdom to impart."

Example 2: A person asks you to tie their shoe when they are carrying an arm full of papers. Obviously you help them with their shoe. Again, he correct thing to do would be to help out.

But what happens when someone asks us to help them tie their shoe while they are carrying a load of papers and for whatever reason it strikes you to stack more papers on top and then proceed to explain to them why it's a bad idea to carry an arm load of papers with untied shoelaces. Furthermore, we go on to explain that many people who walk with untied shoelaces cause accidents for others not only themselves. Then we top it off with some sanctimonious bologna about how "You don't have to listen to me because I'm not an expert on shoe laces or paper carrying or the tying of shoelaces whilst carrying an armload of papers." All the time thinking- I really do know lots about shoes, shoelaces, carrying papers, tying knots and this person would do very well to listen to me because I am interesting and insightful. Oh, and by the way I know loads about jumping off bridges and why you shouldn't do it just in case you are thinking about it after this incredibly long metaphor.

So why go into an overly elaborate allegory to explain a simple human response to being asked for a favor? Well, that's just what I do. The real point is I feel a little bad. This person only wanted a favor. Instead of just giving a short answer that would have sufficed such as: "Nope, can't help you." I launched into this:

"While it's great to be eager and want to go out an change the world (believe me I did) it would do her a great deal of good to just sit back and enjoy the experience of college.

There is so much to do an experience in only 4 or 5 years of college. The time goes by so fast and one day you wake up and all the people you didn't speak to enough or hug enough are gone their separate ways.

I don't want to sound preachy but it's how I feel. There is PLENTY of time to "grow up" or "fix the world." Tell her to go on every trip she can and soak up as much of being an adult with little to no responsibilities. Life comes hard and fast and the frivolities of childhood zip by with a wonderful whooshing sound."

The last part of that some might recognize as an attempted hijack of Douglas Adams quote about deadlines.

Again, instead of answering the question, I felt it necessary to answer a somewhat related but totally unasked question. The worst part of it is I can't figure out if it's the answer to a question I wished she would have asked, or if it was just my own pomposity in thinking I knew what should have been asked and answered that question instead.

day one

2007-08-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm attempting to blog for a couple of reasons. First of all, my girlfriend blogs and has indicated that it i a good way to A) get things off your chest 2) find out what folks think about it and III) in general keep folk informed who might be interested in the daily goings on of your life. While I am a horrid writer I'm going to attempt this for at least 30 days if for no other reason than to get better at writing.

I chose the title "intellectually emancipated" in reference to a conversation I had with a friend in college. We found our new "freedom" of adulthood to be as restricting or more so than childhood. We quickly decided that the only real place we could be emancipated as adults was in our thoughts, only in our minds. Completely jaded I know but a truth nonetheless.

Finally, I'm going to address in this blog basically anything that I find particularly interesting. Thoughts I might have, relationship advice, tips for college amongst other personal notes such as my continued obsession with World of Warcraft, playing golf, fraternity life, university administration and daily annoyances. I however vow to not use this as a internet whining place for how bad life sucks. But rather I'd like to talk about not only the tough stuff in life but how the tough stuff has made my life better in some weird way after the fact.

At any rate that is enough for now. I'm going to post again in a little while once i get some thoughts together. I sent a note to a friend about her daughter who is going to college this fall and it really sounded like advice I'd like to share with anyone who cares to have it so that'll be coming very soon. Until then.